Welcome Eagles Fans
First and foremost Eagle Man would like to take the time to congratulate the Fairfax Eagles on the club's first ever win. The first one is without doubt the sweetest and I'm sure it will be remembered by all those that participated for a long time.
The Eagles are constantly evolving and improving and can look to many more victories in the future.
Now onto the good stuff!
Give That Man a Pabst
Eagle Man would like to take the time to congratulate club President Steven Grant on all his successes with the team with a large chilled glass of refreshing ice-cold chilled Pabst Blue Ribbon amber ale. In between rehearsing for his bag pipe marching band, getting his back waxed and plotting the freedom of Scotland from the English, Steven has placed a great deal of time and resources into the club. To get a win on his birthday (47th?) must of been especially sweet. Grant was known to have partied on into the late hours of Sunday morning. Well deserved Steve! Congratulations.
Get That Man a Navigator
The club would like to congratulate Dain Bentley and Mikey Zelinski on over-shooting the Philadelphia Fight home ground by roughly a state on the weekend. Bentley has subsequently claimed that he was merely showing foreigner Zelinski the New Jersey 'sights' whilst Zelinski was thought to have been too busy chatting up the Australian sounding GPS device to listen to it's instructions fully...This is not surprising as Zelinski very rarely listens to anyone bar himself, particularly those of female extraction.
Hypothetically Speaking....
Eagle Man would like to give a big confused WTF out to club prop and resident chick magnet Friar Tuck, who stunned team members with his variety of 'hypothetical' questions on the way home from the game.
"Who would you sleep with in the team if he was a girl" was a question that I'm sure not many rugby league guys would have contemplated prior to the trip home from Phili, Dain Bentley aside. The fact that Tuck went on to state that he would chose Steve Grant, due to his stylish kilted attire (makes the guy appear more womanly apparently) was equally disturbing. Allegations that club captain Mikey Zelinski would pick himself remain unconfirmed.
Eagle Man would also like to commend The Friar for his tremendous literacy skills. The man's ability to read is perhaps best demonstrated via his suggestion that all Eagle's players grab themselves a 'wig' from the 'Wings' store.... This would have been even more hilarious, if not for the fact that this wig agenda was probably part of some sexual 'hypothetical' fetish....you never know until you try, right Tuck?
A Mind Corrupted - A Team Horrified
It was this line of questioning/perverse thinking that no doubt corrupted the impressionable mind of Eagle prop Joey 'Chops' Tropea. Eagle Man has it on good authority that Chops was seen grinding on a dance-floor with a 6ft 4 'woman', whose Adam's Apple would have had William Tell licking his lips. This all occurred much to the delight of club perv Friar Tuck who couldn't believe his luck whilst watching on from a dark bar corner. The Eagles would like to wish Chops' 'girl' all the best in her world's largest hands and penis competition next week. 'She' is more than welcome to come a play Rugby League at any time in the future and would no doubt look forward to packing down into some scrums.
Pin Point Accuracy
Whilst on Tropea, Eagle Man would like to applaud him for his excellent example of driving with pin point accuracy on Saturday night. To be able to hit the only car, whilst reversing, in an empty car park takes a level of skill that only a true driving champion can hope to accomplish. The fact that he was able to hit such a small stationary target in his huge beast of a truck is testament to his never say 'DUI' attitude.
Better Luck Next Time
The ol' 'bring a puppy to a bar and the chicks will come running' tactic appears to have run it's course if Saturday night's effort from Henry Nowell is anything to go by. In a move that many have viewed as desperation Nowell was seen harassing local Fairfax County women on Saturday night whilst asking them to 'stroke his puppy'. The sight of a defeated Nowell curled up with his little dog at the end of the night seemed indicative of the relative success of the ploy. The question remains, where to from here for Nowell in his quest to pursue women? Flowers? Diamond Rings? Out and out begging? Friar Tuck? Only time will tell...
Another Sean Millar Low Point
In what is becoming tiresome, Sean Millar hit yet another low point on the weekend. Just when you think he has hit rock bottom, the man finds a ledge to roll off. Obviously rattled by his plummeting PBRank, Millar was seen trying to escort 5 women out of a local Herdon bar on Saturday night - no doubt in a desperate ploy to look like some sort of 'stud' in front of his less than impressed Rugby League comrades. Unfortunately for Millar it only counts for something if you can close the deal on one, rather than blow your chances, and those of your friends, with all five...Reports have Millar sleeping on the floor of one of the aforementioned females' apartments next to Friar Tuck, which is something best left to discussions on trips home from Philadelphia.
Millar all but confirmed his reputation as softest man in the AMNRL on the weekend after contributing 4 'brave' minutes to the Eagle cause (a personal record) prior to being injured. He truly is a Rugby League tampon. In for a week, out for a month!
Speaking of PBRranking...
Female Eagle Fan's have been left gob smacked by Christian Seaman's pitiful attempts to get himself noticed as a sex icon with his new hair 'style'. In what can only be described as a losing fight with a lawn-mower, Seamen has left fans wondering if there is a place below last in the club's pretty boy rankings. Eagle Man still admires Seamen for his desire to push the limitations of looking ridiculous. For a guy's hair to look worse when he is on leave than when he is in the army is no mean feat!
Cleaning Tips with Kevin Campbell.
House-wives all over the US have been stunned by the revelation that you can now get whiter than white whites through the creative use of condiments in your cleaning. In a move that has broken with tradition ,Campbell insists that all one needs to do to ensure a perfect wash cycle every time is to empty the entire contents of a fridge, or pantry, into the washing machine along with any offending dirty laundry. The fact that 'solidly' built Campbell's clothes are normally covered in all sorts of sauce stains probably accounts for this way of thinking.
Next Week on CTKC: How urine helps keep your bathroom clean!
Wow! What a week!
Next week the Eagles are up against local rivals the DC Slayers in what promises to be a fierce local derby.
Of course your eye witness Eagle Man will be there to report it - warts and all.
Go Eagles!
The Nest - OUT
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
additional.....somehow Pinky managed to escape recognition in this week's blog for his failure to remove his keys from his car before locking it on Saturday morning. The sight of the mighty Pinkster attempting to slim-jim his way into said locked vehicle as the rest of the team was getting ready to hit to road to Philly was amusing to say the least. Had it not been for Kevin "I'm from Pittsburgh and we don't need keys to open cars" Campbell's intervention with a coat hanger, Pinky may still be stranded in the Wings House parking lot. Good work Kevin, clearly your years on the streets of "the greatest city in the world" weren't completely wasted. As for Pinky, the embarrassment and ridicule would surely have been much greater had his buddies Joey “dances with women with penises” Tropea, Sean "rugby league tampon" Millar, and John “wants to bang all the guys on the team” Chernaga not come to his rescue by committing far worse and embarrassing acts on the day.
Post a Comment