The Nest Report 17 June 2008

Hello Eagle Fans

There is plenty to talk about, not least of all the self destructive nature of the Eagles outfit, who seem determined to break the AMNRL all-time record for handling errors.

The Eagles showed a lot of courage against a physical and experienced Bulls outfit who pulled no punches in attack and defense. As their number one fan, I took great pride in the club registering it's first ever premiership bonus point.

The Eagles hit the road next week to take on the Fight in Phili, so make sure you pack plenty of maroon in your travel bags to show your support for this great team! The Nest will be cheering on heartily and hopes to be heard over a parochial and large Fight crowd.

Intercept King

After knocking himself senseless in round one trying to tackle, Eagles import Naysan Eshraghi was able to avoid any additional body contact/head tackling by taking a beautifully timed intercept in the early stages of the game. Like a thief in the night Naysan dashed away 90 meters to score his first ever try for the club with his long mane flowing beautifully as he majestically strode away from the pursuing Bulls players. Eshraghi still has a long way to go though to come good on his early season 'guarantee' of being the club's leading try scorer this season. We wish him luck in his endeavor.

On the subject of head tackling, Joey 'Chops' Tropea was given a free trip to Disney Land courtesy of the Aston Bulls after being heavily concussed taking a hit up in the latter stages of the match. The club is hopeful that the trend of bouncing back with a 90 metre try after being knocked out continues next week. The club is still awaiting the results of scans to prove whether or not Tropea has a functioning human brain.


International Eagle Fans

Eagle Man would like to take the time to welcome Naysan's mother to the official Eagles Fan Club. It is lovely to see the club followed by family and fans abroad! As his full-time carer, baby sitter and publicist Mrs Eshraghi was nice enough to look out for little Naysan by inundating Eagle Man with threats to have Naysan on the next plane out of Washington DC if Eagle Man didn't publish positive news about the Aussie import sensation.

Being one that isn't easily intimidated, not to mention a huge proponent of freedom of speech and of the press, Eagle Man would like to say that Naysan Eshraghi is quite possibly the best rugby league player he has ever seen and is definitely on his way to the Rugby League Hall of Fame. Go Naysy Waysy!

Not so Pretty No More...

Sean Millar has seen his Pretty Boy Ranking (PBR! What an apt time to mention the cool refreshing drink that is Pabst Blue Ribbon beer) stocks plummet amongst female fans after he was allegedly spotted throwing up not only onto himself but also into a schooner glass at a Herdon night spot on Saturday night. Millar's plight was worsened by the fact he was attempting to entertain a few Eagles' female fans, with word quickly spreading amongst the female fan base of his vulgarity and light weight drinking efforts - a huge no no for Rugby League pin ups.

Millar was already under pressure to retain his PBR after refusing to take the field on Saturday. Millar was seen complaining of 'soreness' and more obscurely a 'lack of respect' from the Eagles organization. Watch this space as tensions continue to mount between the club and it's soon to be benched hooker.

Chad P.(The Nest has found out the P is for Pinky) Culpepper's volunteering of himself as a candidate for the position of 'number 2 pretty boy' has been taken under advisement with the size of the beak that Chad passes off as a nose a concern to female fans. Culpepper insisted at the time of writing that his nose was only that big temporarily - the result of breaking it in a heavy tackle on the weekend - however an analysis of historical photos of the man has thus far proven otherwise. Culpepper refused to comment on rumors that he was forced into submission by the new temporary import, and noted fly weight, Tim Zelinsky on no less than four occassions in a bit of late night defensive practice. My mail is that it happened.

Meanwhile new club captain Mikey Zelinsky's campy array of tight and bright shirts have seen him strengthen his vice like grip on the club pretty boy title, with his appeal not only to women but also to men simply unmatched and providing a boon for the clubs membership drive. The Eagles now have the largest gay fan base in the AMNRL. Thanks Mike!

Zelinsky is said to be confident at holding off a potential challenger in John 'I'm wasted on the wing' Young who has declared not only his intentions to become the Eagle's star outside back but also to arrest the coveted No. 1 PBR from Zelinsky.

Give That Man a Pabst

Eagle Man's tall glass of delicious, chilled and bubbly Pabst Blue Ribbon amber gold brew (seriously how good is Pabst?) definitely goes to club cult hero Andrew 'The Bobcat' Reddy. Reddy has ignited the club's supporter base with his courageous on-field running and duking against much bigger opponents in what has proved to be a real 'break out' (just ask him) season for him thus far. Reddy has been one of the clubs most improved players and it would be interesting to see what he was capable of if he had two functioning shoulders.

Special mention goes to Tim 'J-LO' Hardmon who motored to the try line powered by his enormously huge and ostentatious rear quarters in the dying minutes of Saturday's match thereby securing a bonus point for the club. The sight of all that trunked junk in a pair of custom made shorts was truly a sight to behold and will no doubt have physicists scrambling over themselves to measure the remarkable kinetic forces at play. To score the last try of the match was a great effort by the Eagles and showed tremendous character.

Get That Man a Lawyer

Eagle Man expresses his concern at Dain Bentley's flagrant disregard of his marital commitments at the weekend. As a family club, The Nest was particularly disheartened at Bentley's refusal to leave a notorious Eagles hang out despite repeated requests from his wife to do so. Ignoring protests from his significant other, Bentley was determined to stay and lecture the side on politics and morality. In contrast to the club's squeaky clean family imagine Bentley appeared more interested in voicing his support for Barrack Obama and Universal Health Care in a beer fueled slurring oration than fulfilling his home duties. No doubt Dain intends to raise the other 'must have' dinner conversation topics of money and religion at the next official team function.

On a similar note Eagle Man would like to express his admiration of club founder and inaugural five eighth Craig Webb who abandoned his teammates so readily at his wife's behest to attend the wedding of some distant friend or cousin...or something. That is the sort of man you can build a club around! Go Craig!

Dancing Queen

Club stalwart and old boy Danny Hanson was allegedly spotted at Herdon night spot Ned Devines drowning his sorrows after having a game to forget. In a match where handling errors were a premium, Hanson was a knock on super star. In the driving rain it must be said that Hanson had a better chance of catching a cold than a rugby league football and he did the right thing by hooking himself before someone more Australian had to. Back at Devines, Hanson enthralled patrons with his robotic dance floor movements and Frankenstein impersonations as he cut a totem pole like figure in amongst women and men less than half his age. Eagle Man says, if you've got it, flaunt it...so Danny....take that as you will.

Welcome back Judas

The club's prodigal son Kevin 'I'm wider than I am tall' Campbell makes his belated return to the squad after picking up his 30 pieces of silver at a recent Rugby Union 7's tournament. The Nest understands that Campbell found playing Rugby League in the centers far too physical for his delicate frame and that he was looking for a week off from the rigors of playing in the backs by having a trot around on the 7's field. We hope you're well rested Kev. I'll come and have a chat to you...on the bench!

Well that's all of the mail this week.

Stay tuned for more outrageous Eagle News from The Nest

Oh and have a little something on Henry Nowell as first try scorer. The kid is a speed demon.

Over and Out

The Nest